My liver just broke up with me...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
