oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
