We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please come you make the beer taste better
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
