I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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