We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
