I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
