Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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