I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
