Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize