It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
