Jerry, you need to find god
one might say we're banned from that church
Say something about gay babies.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
