so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
