Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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