I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
