ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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