I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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