He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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