I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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