No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
