All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
