dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
