And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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