i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
