Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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