new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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