I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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