so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
