I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
