Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
