"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
