Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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