Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Randomize
