the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
