got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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