Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
