I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
