I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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