and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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