Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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