I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
