Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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