I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
