if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
