party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
