Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize