she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
