well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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