make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize