Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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