a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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