I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
