Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
