He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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