hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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