i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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