Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
this is an emotional support booty call
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
