Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
