I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
