Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
