Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
