I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
