Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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