Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
