im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
