My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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