fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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