I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
