i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
