My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
