You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
