woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
