I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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