You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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