At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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