I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
