I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize