I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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