In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
