There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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