OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
