All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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