I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
