Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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