We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
