dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
