He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
