I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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