Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
