Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize