I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A+ Viking dick
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
