the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
