dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
