If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
