No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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