took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
FUCK WHALES
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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