You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
