I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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