Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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