Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
