2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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