My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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