If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize