census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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