I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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