I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
