Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
