Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
