I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
