I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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