Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
