i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
