Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
