Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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