just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
